And Now It it is Time for the Annual Purim Shtick Irreverent Holiday Dvar Torah composed by the one and only Alex Edelman!!

Shechita: A History

Out of all of the mitzvot and commandments in the Torah and Talmud, there are few more intricate or detailed than Shechita. Throughout the centuries, thousands upon thousands of animals have been shechted. These animals, once properly cleaned, have enjoyed exalted status at our kitchen tables and have become integral parts of our simchas. But even more then the shechted, we honor those who do the dedicated decapitating. Those Friday-afternoon knife-wielders, armed with stainless steel cleavers and cast-iron stomachs, who provide us with good Shabbos food week after week.

There are the shochets from the Tanaaic Era. Rabba, an expert on all things mumot. The Babe Ruth of Butchery. Such a devoted practitioner of the art that he actually shechted another all-star Shechita expert, R. Zeira, on one wild Purim night. Astonished commentators, recounting the story, were quick to point out how unusual it is that Rabba was able to carry out the complex practice of Shechita despite being extremely intoxicated. The next morning, R. Zeira was miraculously returned to life, despite having been “made kosher” the night before. In what has to be one of the all-time greatest examples of chutzpah, Rabba invited R. Zeira back to his home the next year. Zeira politely demurred, remarking that one shouldn’t expect a miracle every year.

There is the Albert Spalding of Shechita, the Baal Shem Tov. While he may not have been a butcher, the BST introduced an entirely new type of knife for a halachically cleaner shecht, to the delight of Jews (and the chagrin of livestock) everywhere. Of course, there are more recent legends: Manny Dworman of Manny's Meat (we kill 'em. You cook 'em) at 320 Delancy Street in New York's Lower East Side. During the Roaring Twenties, Manny lead a literal Murderers Row of shochets in New York, in what is now known as one of the greatest times to be a meat-loving yid, and one of the worst times to be a chicken.

Shochets have shown themselves to be impressive people, very good at what they do. The act of Shechita is very difficult, requiring perfect concentration and methods that cause the animal minimal pain as they are turned into the next Friday night meal. The idea of Shechita is to cut the throat of the animal as quickly as possible, and anything but the quickest cut with the cleanest instrument in the most specific place on an unblemished animal renders the kill unkosher. As Gene Wilder said in “The Frisco Kid” to a fleeing chicken, “I don’t want to hurt you, I just want to make you kosher.” Minimal pain is the idea behind Shechita, and anything but the cleanest cut could cause the animal more pain than necessary.

This is an impressive enough feat when done one at a time, but some shochets were so good, that, as evidenced by examples in Masechet Chullin, they were able to kill their animals two at a time or with arrows or knives thrown from some distance away. Not only did this help greatly as a time saving device, but also became a popular opening act for Seigfried and Roy at the Desert Palms in Vegas.

Shechtability is possibly the most important part of kashering an animal. Without it, we simply could not eat meat. The giraffe meets the criteria of being kosher—but we do not eat it, because locating the exact point on the neck to perform this act of Shechita would be nearly impossible and grislier then a Tarantino movie. Shechtability also comes into play when discussing the kashrut situation of the zebu, an exotic type of humped cow that is used as a domesticated animal and a great scrabble word.

So, this Shabbat, as you partake from the animal deli-cacies that God has given sanction to consume, remember the humble Shochet and his steady hands. And be thankful you aren't having Purim Seuda with Rabba.

Shabbat Shalom & Chag Sameach